Sexy and I Know It

I had a conversation with Eddie (roommate) about insecurities.  Sure, once in a while I think about how I wish I were skinnier or taller or whatever it is I don't like about myself at the moment. These insecurities are mostly temporary and I usually only think about them when I'm not busy thinking about other things.  Some people, though, have deep-seated emotional insecurities that plague them most their lives.  These insecurities are what sparked the conversation Eddie and I had.

I have a friend who is smart, pretty and she has a lot going on in her life and it really boggles my mind when I think about how insecure she is.  I'm not really sure where her insecurities stem or if she's even aware of it - and that might be the saddest part.  I am not saying that I'm better than her in any way.  Like I said, she's pretty and she's smart but her insecurities are holding her back.  She can do so much more if she wasn't so self-limiting.  I guess that is the best description of insecurities - they are terribly self-limiting.

I am not saying I don't have insecurities.  As I mentioned earlier, I do. But, I am also aware that I have the power to direct my life in a direction that I feel best serves me (without hurting anyone, of course).  I am not a selfish person but once in a while, I do like to put myself ahead of others because I deserve it.  I guess I'm lucky that I have great self-awareness.  I'm a thinker so I like to take moments out of my day to dissect my life.  It's not easy.  In fact, it's easier said than done.  But only when we truly accept ourselves at our worst can we really appreciate all the great things in life that we have, at one point or another, taken for granted.  I may not be the smartest or the best looking girl in NYC, but I'm sexy and I know it (and I own it).

PS - I know the video/song is meant to be a parody of the LA lifestyle but I still love it (and I still love LA).  NYC needs to learn not to be too cynical/jaded and learn how to take things likely.  It's called a sense of humor people, look it up.

11.20

Weekly Scorpio Horoscope: Week of September 26th

Tuesday’s new moon in Libra awakens the deepest corners of your imagination, for better and for worse. On the plus side, you have a highly creative week ahead of you, one where serendipities abound, and those “meant to be” connections seem to crop up at every turn. Pay attention to repeating elements: if something (or someone) keeps showing up as a recurring theme, it’s not to be dismissed as coincidence. There’s a reason this keeps popping up. Perhaps there’s a lesson to be learned or something undeniable you’ve been trying to ignore? There’s a soulmate-y quality to this new moon, sparking a six-month cycle of growth. The people you meet this week may be folks you feel you’ve known in other lifetimes. While that familiar, knowing quality of these interactions is heartwarming, it’s not necessarily reason to pursue a relationship—especially if these people are otherwise engaged. If not, who knows? The next six months could lead you to quite a magical comingling. The tough side of this new moon is that it has the power to stir up some demons you’ve been trying to avoid. Since it’s affecting your twelfth house of completions, let this be the beginning of a healing journey. It’s time to deal already, Scorpio, and do the necessary mourning that comes along with grieving a loss…no matter how big or small. Don’t take that emotional journey alone, though. Support is all around you. Swallow your pride and receive it.

Source
Photo credit

11.19

Wanted: New Friends

Must be fabulous, attractive and love food; enjoys shopping for pretty things like fragrance, leather jackets, fur pelts; needs to be well-rounded and versatile and can enjoy a night on the town as well as a night in eating ramen and watching Toddlers & Tiaras; must have a great sense of humor and must be able to take it as well as dish it. Witty and sarcastic a plus.


Comment on this post if you'd like to be considered. 

11.18

To Do:

1. print resumes and cover letters for Yonkers and Queens hospitals

2. run (2-3 miles if time permits)

3. grocery shopping - need salad components

4. make room for new clothes in closet

5. drop off dry-cleaning (soon!!)

6. follow-up with HSS (email PACU manager), Mt. Sinai and Brooklyn hospitals

11.17

Scorpio horoscope: Week of Sept. 19th  (LOVES IT)

Your quest for success is about to get a bit more, well, spiritual. This week brings a dose of ambition and a dance with perdition. On Monday, your co-ruler Mars, the planet of warrior-like drive and determination, enters Leo and your tenth house of career and public image until November 10. The desire to master something—with the intention of uplifting the rest of planet Earth—becomes downright overwhelming. You want your name in the history books, damnit, and you’ll stop at nothing to make your mark. Hitch your wagon to a star, Scorpio, as the people in your social network will pull you up to the top over the next six weeks. Then, on Thursday, the Sun shifts into Libra, sending you down into the soulful depths of your subconscious. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction: in order to rise up, you also must also plunge downward. As a Scorpio, you innately understand this—you are not one to fear “the dark night of the soul.” This week’s journey of extremes shouldn’t throw you off your game, but we advise you to prepare for some intense emotions to bubble up. Make friends with your so-called demons instead of pretending that they don’t exist. As you advance more and more into the public eye, people will begin to question your private life. Let there be no shame in your game. You have a past, you’ve made mistakes…but who hasn’t? Own it, Scorpio, and no one will ever be able to use it against you. In fact, your struggles can become a great source of strength this week—and an inspiration to others—if you embrace the lessons they have brought you. By the end of the week, the Sun, Mercury, Venus, and Saturn will all be converging in Libra and your twelfth house. This is the final phase of your annual zodiac cycle before the Sun moves onto Scorpio on November 23. Dive into a decluttering mission and make way for all that you’ll gain in your next circle ‘round the Sun!


Source

11.16

I.AM.A.WINNER.

That is all.



















Photo credit

11.15

Scorpio horoscope: Week of Sept. 12th

Is it love that you’re feeling or a strange kind of addiction? Maybe it’s a little bit of both. This Monday’s full moon in Pisces illuminates a few of your obsessive tendencies. Scorpio, when you’re with someone, your fervor is unmatched. Unfortunately, this can also cause you to ignore some of the red flag, oh-so-imperative issues that demand your attention and need to be discussed. This week, make a concerted effort to view your love interest through the lens of a reality TV camera rather than a Pixar filter. The unvarnished truth might not be so bad; in fact, allowing people to have human “flaws” creates a much healthier dynamic in your relationships. That said, you might have to do more investigative work after Wednesday, when loveplanet Venus enters your twelfth house of hidden information for three weeks. Alas, nothing seems to be above board in your personal life right now. While you don’t want to treat your loved ones like subjects of a crime scene investigation, if that little question mark pops up in your head, press for more information until all the facts line up. It could be that people feel too intimidated to tell you the truth. Tone down that brusque edge to foster honest communication. If you’ve been holding in those lovin’ feelings, this full moon wants you to make your Big Reveal. It’s better to find out if your feelings are reciprocated so you can move ahead to the next level…or just move on. At work, you will have many opportunities to take on leadership and flaunt your creativity this week. Make sure you have a mentor to guide you, since rising to these new heights can cause a few insecurities to bubble up. It’s always useful to run ideas by an objective and wise senior before touting them out at the weekly company meeting.


Source
Photo credit

11.14

Photography, I have missed you.  I haven't had the chance to take pictures in a while.  Mostly because I haven't had the time but also because I've gotten lazy and forgot the basics.  I'm gonna have to relearn everything when I pick it back up.  Hopefully it's soon.  Especially since I have nothing to do other than look for a job.


Photo credit

11.13

Soneto XVII

No te amo como si fueras rosa de sal, topacio
o flecha de claveles que propagan el fuego:
te amo como se aman ciertas cosas oscuras,
secretamente, entre la sombra y el alma.

Te amo como la planta que no florece y lleva
dentro de sí, escondida, la luz de aquellas flores,
y gracias a tu amor vive oscuro en mi cuerpo
el apretado aroma que ascendió de la tierra.

Te amo sin saber cómo, ni cuándo, ni de dónde,
te amo directamente sin problemas ni orgullo:
así te amo porque no sé amar de otra manera,

sino así de este modo en que no soy ni eres,
tan cerca que tu mano sobre mi pecho es mía,
tan cerca que se cierran tus ojos con mi sueño. 

 ------------------------------------------------------

Sonnet 17

I do not love you as if you were a rose made of salt or topaz
or an arrow of carnations spreading fire:
I love you the way certain dark things are loved,
secretly, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you like the plant that never blooms,
but conceals within itself the light of those flowers;
and, thanks to your love, the darkness of my body
houses the suffocating aroma that arose from the earth.

I love you without knowing how, when, or where from;
I love you straightforwardly, with neither problems nor pride:
I love you thus, not knowing how to love you otherwise

than this way whereby neither ‘you’ nor ‘I’ exist…
so close that your hand on my chest is mine,
so close that your eyes grow heavy when I tire.

Photo credit

11.12

Updates:

1. I'm taking a year off of school and my LOA has been approved.  I'll be back soon - here's to you Fall 2012.

2.  I like a boy (no surprise there).  I wonder if he likes me too.

3. Working out has been paying off.  Here's hoping that I make it stick.

4. I can do the Dougie!!

5. I'm still looking for a job.  Here's hoping I get one by the next update.