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I had a conversation with EV about my writing about a month back.  I asked him if I should write "fluff" as a way to exercise my writing muscles before I dive in to writing my book (the one I've been working on since forever).  What exactly is "fluff"?  You know, something light and funny, even a little mundane and ordinary.  His response?  That I am incapable of writing "fluff".  Not that I'm not funny or anything.  I have a very dry sense of humor (that some people don't appreciate or some people just don't get) which is very hard to translate into the written format.  It doesn't translate quite the same way.

Now back to exercising my writing muscles. EV thinks that I should start writing.  Now, that makes a lot of sense...BUT I am a perfectionist when it comes to the stuff I like to read.  I feel like I need to love my book before I can let anyone else read it and to do that I need to plan every single detail - make sure there are no holes or gaps in my story.  And therein lies my predicament.  I feel like if I can poke holes into my story, somebody else can as well and it will all fall apart and the research and the fine-tuning is driving me nuts!

Maybe I should just let it all go and just write like EV suggested.  Maybe everything will fall into place and I'll end up surprising myself.  Maybe...

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I came across this quote the other day:

"When you’re more mature, you make a life that suits you, not the life other people think you should have."

I'd like to think that I'm a mature person but when I really take stock of everything in my life, I am pretty immature.  Not in a bad way.  I'm responsible and I can be held accountable for all my actions BUT I still like to have fun and act silly and be silly.  I think the immaturity comes in when I have to make the big life decisions...decisions that affect my life in the long run. 

There are some decisions and choices we make in life that's pretty cut and dry like when I decided to move to New York.  It was a big decision but it was something I knew I had to do.  The past few years in my life added up to this momentous decision and I knew I had to jump at the chance.  However, there are also some decisions that need to be made that are not so cut and dry.  These decisions are the ones that I fear the most.  Not for anything else but because at the end of the day, if anything goes wrong, I made that decision.  I guess, on the flipside, if everything falls into place, I can also say that I made that decision.  Uncertainty is exciting and scary and I'm too impatient. 

I forget sometimes that I just need to live one day at a time and everything will just play itself out.  I have never been someone to just "enjoy the moment" because I always worry about what happens next.  I probably need to work on that.

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Updates:

1. Still unemployed.  My last interview was back in August.  Well, there was a phone interview last month and I guess that counts.  I have a few people to email and follow-up with next week so hopefully it leads to something.

2. EV is moving back to LA to help take care of his grandma.  I hope he comes back.  NYC is so much more fun when he's around.  He also makes TV watching more fun with our endless commentary - we don't actually watch TV.  We just have it on in the background while we're on our computers and comment on what we hear.  It's quite fun.

3. Haven't bought shoes in a while.  I'm contemplating selling off the pairs I still haven't worn.  Problem is, they're in storage in LA.  I still need to figure this one out.

4.  Book ideas abound.  Now I just need to buckle down and actually start writing.  I've put it off for so long.  Once I start writing, it makes the book real and that scares me.

5. My mom and brother are visiting for a weekend early next month.  I'm trying to figure out where I'm going to take them (best part).


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Since it is All Saint's Day today, I'd like to dedicate today's blog post to Saint Therese of Lisieux.

I pray this prayer to St. Therese almost every night:

O Little Flower of Jesus, you have shown yourself so powerful in your intercession, so tender and compassionate toward those who honor you and invoke you in suffering and distress, that I kneel at your feet with perfect confidence and beseech you most humbly and earnestly to take me under your protection in my present necessity and to obtain for me this favor I ask (mention your request). Recommend my request to Mary, the merciful Queen of Heaven, that she may plead my cause with you before the throne of Jesus, her divine Son. Cease not to intercede for me until my request is granted.

St. Theresa of the Child Jesus, pray for us. Amen.

May St. Therese bless you and grant your intentions!  Happy All Saints Day!