11.38

Last post of 2011.  May we all have a laugh-filled and prosperous 2012!  Hope we all achieve our goals or never lose hope in trying to achieve them.  Here's to more laughs, more good food and more love in 2012!  Cheers!!!

11.37

Happy feast of the Immaculate Conception! 

Oh Mary conceived without sin, pray for us who have recourse to thee.

11.36

i'm addicted.

11.35

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11.34

I had a conversation with EV about my writing about a month back.  I asked him if I should write "fluff" as a way to exercise my writing muscles before I dive in to writing my book (the one I've been working on since forever).  What exactly is "fluff"?  You know, something light and funny, even a little mundane and ordinary.  His response?  That I am incapable of writing "fluff".  Not that I'm not funny or anything.  I have a very dry sense of humor (that some people don't appreciate or some people just don't get) which is very hard to translate into the written format.  It doesn't translate quite the same way.

Now back to exercising my writing muscles. EV thinks that I should start writing.  Now, that makes a lot of sense...BUT I am a perfectionist when it comes to the stuff I like to read.  I feel like I need to love my book before I can let anyone else read it and to do that I need to plan every single detail - make sure there are no holes or gaps in my story.  And therein lies my predicament.  I feel like if I can poke holes into my story, somebody else can as well and it will all fall apart and the research and the fine-tuning is driving me nuts!

Maybe I should just let it all go and just write like EV suggested.  Maybe everything will fall into place and I'll end up surprising myself.  Maybe...

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11.33

I came across this quote the other day:

"When you’re more mature, you make a life that suits you, not the life other people think you should have."

I'd like to think that I'm a mature person but when I really take stock of everything in my life, I am pretty immature.  Not in a bad way.  I'm responsible and I can be held accountable for all my actions BUT I still like to have fun and act silly and be silly.  I think the immaturity comes in when I have to make the big life decisions...decisions that affect my life in the long run. 

There are some decisions and choices we make in life that's pretty cut and dry like when I decided to move to New York.  It was a big decision but it was something I knew I had to do.  The past few years in my life added up to this momentous decision and I knew I had to jump at the chance.  However, there are also some decisions that need to be made that are not so cut and dry.  These decisions are the ones that I fear the most.  Not for anything else but because at the end of the day, if anything goes wrong, I made that decision.  I guess, on the flipside, if everything falls into place, I can also say that I made that decision.  Uncertainty is exciting and scary and I'm too impatient. 

I forget sometimes that I just need to live one day at a time and everything will just play itself out.  I have never been someone to just "enjoy the moment" because I always worry about what happens next.  I probably need to work on that.

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11.32

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11.31

Updates:

1. Still unemployed.  My last interview was back in August.  Well, there was a phone interview last month and I guess that counts.  I have a few people to email and follow-up with next week so hopefully it leads to something.

2. EV is moving back to LA to help take care of his grandma.  I hope he comes back.  NYC is so much more fun when he's around.  He also makes TV watching more fun with our endless commentary - we don't actually watch TV.  We just have it on in the background while we're on our computers and comment on what we hear.  It's quite fun.

3. Haven't bought shoes in a while.  I'm contemplating selling off the pairs I still haven't worn.  Problem is, they're in storage in LA.  I still need to figure this one out.

4.  Book ideas abound.  Now I just need to buckle down and actually start writing.  I've put it off for so long.  Once I start writing, it makes the book real and that scares me.

5. My mom and brother are visiting for a weekend early next month.  I'm trying to figure out where I'm going to take them (best part).


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11.30

Since it is All Saint's Day today, I'd like to dedicate today's blog post to Saint Therese of Lisieux.

I pray this prayer to St. Therese almost every night:

O Little Flower of Jesus, you have shown yourself so powerful in your intercession, so tender and compassionate toward those who honor you and invoke you in suffering and distress, that I kneel at your feet with perfect confidence and beseech you most humbly and earnestly to take me under your protection in my present necessity and to obtain for me this favor I ask (mention your request). Recommend my request to Mary, the merciful Queen of Heaven, that she may plead my cause with you before the throne of Jesus, her divine Son. Cease not to intercede for me until my request is granted.

St. Theresa of the Child Jesus, pray for us. Amen.

May St. Therese bless you and grant your intentions!  Happy All Saints Day!

11.29

I hate liars.  I think I made that clear in the prior post.  Well, UPS lies.  They are liars!  And I hate them.  I was expecting a delivery today and when I checked the status around 1pm, I see this:

Why is this a lie?  I was at home.  In fact, just 8 minutes prior to said attempt, I signed for a different UPS package:

I know I'm not the only one who has this problem with all these carriers.  I don't know why their drivers are too lazy to actually check if someone is home because honey, I was f*n home.

Update No. 1:  Apparently, the driver attempted delivery to a different apartment.  No wonder I wasn't "home".  Sillyheads.

Update No. 2:  Why am I being punished for other people's ineptitude???  After calling UPS again to make sure my package is being redelivered TODAY and being reassured that is was, I get this:

Monday.  I get my f*n package on Monday.  Thanks a whole lot for NOTHING UPS.  Assholes.  I am beyond pissed right now.  I hope UPS goes bankrupt.

11.28

I was watching late-night TV with Eddie the other night and "Millionaire Matchmaker" was on.  Patti (the matchmaker) asks the millionairess what she was looking for in a guy.  Apparently, Patti tries to make sure the person you are looking for is aligned with what you are looking for in a relationship (if that even makes sense).  Anyway, it got me thinking if what I look for in a guy.  Physically, I almost have one type of guy: tall, dark hair, some facial hair.  Personality-wise, sense of humor is key.  If a guy isn't funny, then it's a deal-breaker (a whole different post).  Other than humor, smart and witty is also a must.  A guy needs to be able to keep up with me because I do talk a lot and I talk a lot about a whole lot of different things.  Fashion sense also helps.  Once in a while I like to get all dolled up and I need a guy who can look as good without me having to pick out his outfit.  Other stuff that's important: does not lie (because I'm pretty good at figuring shiz out), texts/calls back right away (it only takes 2 seconds to text "busy, talk to you later" or something like that when you can't), patient, and has a great relationship with his family. 

In summary: tall, dark hair, funny, smart, witty, fashionable, honest, patient reliable, and has a great relationship with his family.  Is that asking too much?

11.27

Weekly Scorpio Horoscope: Week of October 10th

Love goddess Venus slips into Scorpio from Monday through November 2, making you the hottest thing in the universe. You’re bringing sexy back in your own trademark way: flirty, mysterious, whip-smart, and never easy to pin down. Don’t be surprised if you have your hands full of admirers before the week is through. Whether single or spoken for, some harmless flirting is good for your ego. It feels great to remember that you’ve still got it (ya never lost it, actually), so soak up the attention while it lasts. Have you been giving someone all the power in a relationship? Enough of that already! This Venus phase reminds you of your own worth. Unless you appreciate what you bring to the table, you can’t expect others to do the same. Of course, you may have been casting your pearls before swine for the past few weeks, and that never creates good feelings. Some people simply aren’t attuned enough to value your offerings. Stop wasting time trying to convince them to see things your way. You’re better off cutting ties (at least temporarily) and directing your efforts towards people who not only appreciate you, but also have something to give in return. On Friday, communication planet Mercury kicks off a three-week tour through Scorpio, blessing you with stellar writing and speaking skills. Getting your ideas out there becomes a big theme, whether you’re posting photos or essays on a blog, Tweeting with regularity, or voicing your opinions in a public place. Tuesday’s full moon in your zone of well-being brings self-care into focus. Have you been treating your body like a temple? If so, you may have something tangible to show for it. Try to switch up your fitness and eating routine slightly or add a new twist to keep it interesting. If you’ve been ignoring all the wisdom you’ve collected about exercise and good nutrition, recommit to a plan of action. You might consider downloading an app to help you track your food and fitness. Awareness is key—it can prevent you from falling into an unnecessary deprivation mindset with your diet.


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11.26

I don't understand why there has to be rules for dating.  I mean, it's dating.  How hard does it have to be that someone has to make up rules for it?  All those "self-help" books don't really help you know.  It's all BS.  The authors are just trying to "trick" you into thinking that they work.  And just how do they do that?  Beats me.  Try asking the suckers who buy those books.

Look, if those books work for you, great.  All I'm saying is that people should really lighten up about all these dating rules.  If I want to call a guy, I'll call him.  I'm not gonna wait however many number of days before I call or text.  I'll call him when I feel like it.  If he calls and I feel like talking, I'll pick up.  If I don't want to talk, I'm not picking up.  Less of a headache.  No games, no guessing.  Simple, right?  That's how it should be.


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11.25

I emailed a PCD at Cornell today and she replied with, "HR is aware of your application."  Not sure what to get from that.  It might mean, "yes we know you have applied for the position, so what?"  It could also mean, "we have notified HR of your interest and they have told us you have applied."  I could go on and on with analyzing (more like overanalyzing) her email but it comes down to me waiting for a call from HR - a call that may never come.

While I am waiting for that semi-dreaded phone call, I might as well work on my most reviled interview question: What are your strengths and weaknesses?  There is absolutely no right or wrong answer but what answer doesn't make me look like an asshole that's trying too hard?  That, ladies and gentlemen, is my homework this week.  For strengths, I've always gone with hard-working or willing to learn or fast learner.  All good things but I wish there was something that encompasses all of the above.  For weaknesses, well, that's where I always fumble.  I think I've had a different answer each time...all of which is complete crap - perfectionist, impatient, too focused, etc.  I try to tailor each answer to make sense with the position I've applied for but all of which comes off insincere.

Again, homework for this week is to work on my answers.  Hopefully, working on my answers means I get the job.  Or at least a phone call.


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11.24

I'M GETTING A JOB SOON.

I AM JOB.

JOB WANTED.

Experts say that the first step to accomplishing a goal is to write it down.  So, how many times do I write it before it actually happens?

When I first graduated from undergrad, the economy was not in the best shape but it wasn't bad.  It took me about 2 months to get a job.  I think I interviewed at about 3-4 places and got 2 offers.  This time around, the economy is in the shithole and once again, I am looking for a job....in a completely different field. 

It's only been about 5 weeks since I first started looking but why am I feeling so panicked?  I mean, I kinda know why.  One, everyone else around me seems to be getting a job.  Two, the last time I was looking for a job, I was also living at home.  Stressful times, my friends, stressful.

But then again, it's only a matter of time until I get THAT job - you know, the one everyone wishes they had and the one they wished they waited for.  And it's gonna be at a kick-ass hospital (HSS or Cornell).  And I am going to shine.  Wait and see.  It's only a matter of time.

11.23

Weekly Scorpio horoscope: Week of October 3rd

A hectic week ahead. This week money rules your mind primarily and for that you will work hard to meet your goals. At work, things are improving and you are not far away from success. Remember, whether you are forgetting anything important while your mind is totally set on your goals? Balance the flow of time against work uniformly to avoid the rush in the ninth hour. Help of subordinates and seniors will provide extra support to you.

It is the time of growth financially and so does your finances. It will be difficult for you to hold on money when expenditures are high. Give priority to necessities first. Take care of theft or loss in travel. Managing money will be little bit difficult so avoid investing money in new investments etc.

Desires in relationship rules this period. You have your own opinions for relationship and want to stick to it but sometimes adjustments are necessary to go with the flow. Remember flexibility is very much important where emotions and relations are necessary. Singles ones are suggested not to begin with the new relation in haste. It may prove to be emotional loss or attraction that may bring to loss to anything. Assess or wait till you are sure about the things clearly.

3^rd This is not a time of emotional bravery. Rather, you tend to keep the status quo either it is related to finances or relations.

4^th Your mind tends to be restless, easily bored, and in need of stimulation.

5^th Take care against sudden loss or theft. Obstacles at meetings. Love relations expand.

6^th Examining bad dreams can help you understand what is bothering you. Restlessness.

7^th Use your dynamic energy to identify and solve problems instead of blaming others.

8^th Close relations demand your attention. Financial managements make you busy. Mind is creative and favors progress at work.

9^th Feelings of others will be clear. Avoid disagreements with others. It is time to focus on financial area seriously.


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11.22

Quite a productive Sunday:

1. Went to church
2. Cleaned by room and the hallway and the area by my desk (those who know me will appreciate this)
3. Assembled a shoe rack I bought earlier this year
4. Walked Dooze and he behaved (yay!)

Things I still need to get done:

1. Find a job (getting closer...I can feel it)
2. Plan my birthday party - I've picked a dinner place but haven't decided on the dance venue)
3. Nails - I need a birthday mani/pedi but this can be done in 2 weeks so no rush
4. Put together a birthday package
5. Fold my sweater dresses
6. Hang all the stuff I bought from All Saints
7. Buy hangers (skirt, pant, trinkets) from Container Store
8. Buy wine glasses, drinking glasses, glass bottle(s) and funnel from Crate and Barrel - funnel can be from somewhere else actually

Sexy and I Know It

I had a conversation with Eddie (roommate) about insecurities.  Sure, once in a while I think about how I wish I were skinnier or taller or whatever it is I don't like about myself at the moment. These insecurities are mostly temporary and I usually only think about them when I'm not busy thinking about other things.  Some people, though, have deep-seated emotional insecurities that plague them most their lives.  These insecurities are what sparked the conversation Eddie and I had.

I have a friend who is smart, pretty and she has a lot going on in her life and it really boggles my mind when I think about how insecure she is.  I'm not really sure where her insecurities stem or if she's even aware of it - and that might be the saddest part.  I am not saying that I'm better than her in any way.  Like I said, she's pretty and she's smart but her insecurities are holding her back.  She can do so much more if she wasn't so self-limiting.  I guess that is the best description of insecurities - they are terribly self-limiting.

I am not saying I don't have insecurities.  As I mentioned earlier, I do. But, I am also aware that I have the power to direct my life in a direction that I feel best serves me (without hurting anyone, of course).  I am not a selfish person but once in a while, I do like to put myself ahead of others because I deserve it.  I guess I'm lucky that I have great self-awareness.  I'm a thinker so I like to take moments out of my day to dissect my life.  It's not easy.  In fact, it's easier said than done.  But only when we truly accept ourselves at our worst can we really appreciate all the great things in life that we have, at one point or another, taken for granted.  I may not be the smartest or the best looking girl in NYC, but I'm sexy and I know it (and I own it).

PS - I know the video/song is meant to be a parody of the LA lifestyle but I still love it (and I still love LA).  NYC needs to learn not to be too cynical/jaded and learn how to take things likely.  It's called a sense of humor people, look it up.

11.20

Weekly Scorpio Horoscope: Week of September 26th

Tuesday’s new moon in Libra awakens the deepest corners of your imagination, for better and for worse. On the plus side, you have a highly creative week ahead of you, one where serendipities abound, and those “meant to be” connections seem to crop up at every turn. Pay attention to repeating elements: if something (or someone) keeps showing up as a recurring theme, it’s not to be dismissed as coincidence. There’s a reason this keeps popping up. Perhaps there’s a lesson to be learned or something undeniable you’ve been trying to ignore? There’s a soulmate-y quality to this new moon, sparking a six-month cycle of growth. The people you meet this week may be folks you feel you’ve known in other lifetimes. While that familiar, knowing quality of these interactions is heartwarming, it’s not necessarily reason to pursue a relationship—especially if these people are otherwise engaged. If not, who knows? The next six months could lead you to quite a magical comingling. The tough side of this new moon is that it has the power to stir up some demons you’ve been trying to avoid. Since it’s affecting your twelfth house of completions, let this be the beginning of a healing journey. It’s time to deal already, Scorpio, and do the necessary mourning that comes along with grieving a loss…no matter how big or small. Don’t take that emotional journey alone, though. Support is all around you. Swallow your pride and receive it.

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11.19

Wanted: New Friends

Must be fabulous, attractive and love food; enjoys shopping for pretty things like fragrance, leather jackets, fur pelts; needs to be well-rounded and versatile and can enjoy a night on the town as well as a night in eating ramen and watching Toddlers & Tiaras; must have a great sense of humor and must be able to take it as well as dish it. Witty and sarcastic a plus.


Comment on this post if you'd like to be considered. 

11.18

To Do:

1. print resumes and cover letters for Yonkers and Queens hospitals

2. run (2-3 miles if time permits)

3. grocery shopping - need salad components

4. make room for new clothes in closet

5. drop off dry-cleaning (soon!!)

6. follow-up with HSS (email PACU manager), Mt. Sinai and Brooklyn hospitals

11.17

Scorpio horoscope: Week of Sept. 19th  (LOVES IT)

Your quest for success is about to get a bit more, well, spiritual. This week brings a dose of ambition and a dance with perdition. On Monday, your co-ruler Mars, the planet of warrior-like drive and determination, enters Leo and your tenth house of career and public image until November 10. The desire to master something—with the intention of uplifting the rest of planet Earth—becomes downright overwhelming. You want your name in the history books, damnit, and you’ll stop at nothing to make your mark. Hitch your wagon to a star, Scorpio, as the people in your social network will pull you up to the top over the next six weeks. Then, on Thursday, the Sun shifts into Libra, sending you down into the soulful depths of your subconscious. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction: in order to rise up, you also must also plunge downward. As a Scorpio, you innately understand this—you are not one to fear “the dark night of the soul.” This week’s journey of extremes shouldn’t throw you off your game, but we advise you to prepare for some intense emotions to bubble up. Make friends with your so-called demons instead of pretending that they don’t exist. As you advance more and more into the public eye, people will begin to question your private life. Let there be no shame in your game. You have a past, you’ve made mistakes…but who hasn’t? Own it, Scorpio, and no one will ever be able to use it against you. In fact, your struggles can become a great source of strength this week—and an inspiration to others—if you embrace the lessons they have brought you. By the end of the week, the Sun, Mercury, Venus, and Saturn will all be converging in Libra and your twelfth house. This is the final phase of your annual zodiac cycle before the Sun moves onto Scorpio on November 23. Dive into a decluttering mission and make way for all that you’ll gain in your next circle ‘round the Sun!


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11.16

I.AM.A.WINNER.

That is all.



















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11.15

Scorpio horoscope: Week of Sept. 12th

Is it love that you’re feeling or a strange kind of addiction? Maybe it’s a little bit of both. This Monday’s full moon in Pisces illuminates a few of your obsessive tendencies. Scorpio, when you’re with someone, your fervor is unmatched. Unfortunately, this can also cause you to ignore some of the red flag, oh-so-imperative issues that demand your attention and need to be discussed. This week, make a concerted effort to view your love interest through the lens of a reality TV camera rather than a Pixar filter. The unvarnished truth might not be so bad; in fact, allowing people to have human “flaws” creates a much healthier dynamic in your relationships. That said, you might have to do more investigative work after Wednesday, when loveplanet Venus enters your twelfth house of hidden information for three weeks. Alas, nothing seems to be above board in your personal life right now. While you don’t want to treat your loved ones like subjects of a crime scene investigation, if that little question mark pops up in your head, press for more information until all the facts line up. It could be that people feel too intimidated to tell you the truth. Tone down that brusque edge to foster honest communication. If you’ve been holding in those lovin’ feelings, this full moon wants you to make your Big Reveal. It’s better to find out if your feelings are reciprocated so you can move ahead to the next level…or just move on. At work, you will have many opportunities to take on leadership and flaunt your creativity this week. Make sure you have a mentor to guide you, since rising to these new heights can cause a few insecurities to bubble up. It’s always useful to run ideas by an objective and wise senior before touting them out at the weekly company meeting.


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11.14

Photography, I have missed you.  I haven't had the chance to take pictures in a while.  Mostly because I haven't had the time but also because I've gotten lazy and forgot the basics.  I'm gonna have to relearn everything when I pick it back up.  Hopefully it's soon.  Especially since I have nothing to do other than look for a job.


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11.13

Soneto XVII

No te amo como si fueras rosa de sal, topacio
o flecha de claveles que propagan el fuego:
te amo como se aman ciertas cosas oscuras,
secretamente, entre la sombra y el alma.

Te amo como la planta que no florece y lleva
dentro de sí, escondida, la luz de aquellas flores,
y gracias a tu amor vive oscuro en mi cuerpo
el apretado aroma que ascendió de la tierra.

Te amo sin saber cómo, ni cuándo, ni de dónde,
te amo directamente sin problemas ni orgullo:
así te amo porque no sé amar de otra manera,

sino así de este modo en que no soy ni eres,
tan cerca que tu mano sobre mi pecho es mía,
tan cerca que se cierran tus ojos con mi sueño. 

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Sonnet 17

I do not love you as if you were a rose made of salt or topaz
or an arrow of carnations spreading fire:
I love you the way certain dark things are loved,
secretly, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you like the plant that never blooms,
but conceals within itself the light of those flowers;
and, thanks to your love, the darkness of my body
houses the suffocating aroma that arose from the earth.

I love you without knowing how, when, or where from;
I love you straightforwardly, with neither problems nor pride:
I love you thus, not knowing how to love you otherwise

than this way whereby neither ‘you’ nor ‘I’ exist…
so close that your hand on my chest is mine,
so close that your eyes grow heavy when I tire.

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11.12

Updates:

1. I'm taking a year off of school and my LOA has been approved.  I'll be back soon - here's to you Fall 2012.

2.  I like a boy (no surprise there).  I wonder if he likes me too.

3. Working out has been paying off.  Here's hoping that I make it stick.

4. I can do the Dougie!!

5. I'm still looking for a job.  Here's hoping I get one by the next update. 

11.11

I am not the best writer.  I don't even think I'm really that good a writer but writing is my outlet and I enjoy it from time to time.  Does it matter that no one reads what I write?  Not really.  I like just being able to spit out stuff without having someone else judge me - whether it's my writing or what I write about.  Granted, I probably deserve some criticism since I dole it out every chance I get but I'm not particularly ready for criticism just yet.  Hypocritical?  Probably.

On an entirely different note, I thought about one of my weird quirks yesterday and was wondering if other people do it too.  What is it?  Hmm, how do I explain it without seeming like a mental case?  Let's see.  I have full-on conversations in my head.  No, I don't talk to myself.  It's more like, if I had a chance to talk to so and so the conversation will go like this.  Well, I guess it's like talking to myself, haha. And I also like to replay conversations I already had and try to improve on it.  A professor once told me that it's a good thing because it makes me a more effective communicator.  I wonder if she was right.  I think I got the talking down pat...maybe I need to work on the listening (my ADD always gets me in trouble in the listening department).

I love to talk - about anything and everything.  Where do I come up with the stuff I talk about?  Who knows?  I think it's because my mind is constantly moving at about 100 mph and my mouth can barely keep up.  It's probably where the writing comes in too.  Whatever I can't talk about comes out on paper (or sometimes, my computer).  

11.10

I have read 20 books since May 2011....possibly 21. Let me see if I can list all of them on here: (not in any particular order)

1-14. Stephanie Plum books 1-14
15. Pale Demon
16. A Discovery of Witches
17. The Strain
18. The Fall
19. Postcard Killers (the last one I read, started and finished on 8/14)
20-21. Jack Reacher books 1 & 2

I guess it's 21 although I could be forgetting a few. I'm also not counting the George RR Martin books because I'm not actually sure when I started reading those. The first 3 I read before May for sure but I'm not sure about A Feast for Crows. I have to reread that one anyway before I tackle the most recent release of the series.

Too many books, not enough time. How many books have you read this year?

11.09

So many thoughts flit through my brain all day long.  Sometimes I wish I can capture all of them in a page, in a bottle...somewhere else so that I may access them again.  These fluttering thoughts rush through so quickly that sometimes I am unable to grasp their significance until later.  I don't have the best memory either so trying to remember most of these thoughts is moot.

I need to carry around something where I can put these thoughts down.  I'm not the best at that though.  Maybe I need to try harder.

11.08

I'm bored.  Take off your clothes. - Talbot (to Eric)

11.07

i've finally picked up my writing hat and put it on again.

i have more notes now and the story is starting to take shape.

i hope i actually pull this one off.

fear of failure is my biggest obstacle.

11.06

this is me taking control of my life. what the f* have you done lately? -Wesley Gibson

11.05

Show's over motherf*ckers. -hitgirl

11.04

oh my abandoned blog

how sad that i don't even have time

to ponder or to write

no time for me

where does my time go?

where does my life go?

what path am i taking?

which way does it lead?

i don't even know anymore.

11.03

The lost art of conversation.  People are so engrossed in tweets and texts that hardly anyone can spell or write a complete sentence anymore.  It really is quite sad.  I'm glad that I am not of this age and I was educated in the Philippines (better primary and secondary education than most of the U.S.). 

11.02

what's on my mind?

nclex, getting a job, where to go for spring break

on top of everything else

of course

what's on your mind?

11.01

new year, new beginnings

where do i start?

back in nyc, back in school

will do better hopefully

also hoping for an awesome integration spot,

pass the boards,

get an awesome job.

resolutions?

just one

be more positive

and try to 

eliminate the negative

(as much as i can)